Today's+Oracle

=__**The Daily Oracle**__= //August 4th, 2011//

=?????= Late on the night of Saturday, September 10th at about 11:32:05 there were many compliants about loud disturbences that seemed to have come from underground. The Royal Court of Littletown has found that in the spots that the disturbences where most hear there seems to be some sort of caves underground, but they have decided for the time being they will not did into these caves because they may be filled with laughing gas. However in a section of Littletown that there are caves very close to the surface the resident Cissy Portontioni did not hear any disturbences, alothough when questioned about this she told a reporter "Please be quite. You're disturbing the gophers". The Royal Court believes that Portontioni may have already inhaled some a the underground laughing gas. =Obituaries= by Victoria Ayn

Margie O’Maggie
Yesterday, at 5:23 p.m., Margie O’Maggie*, age 12 [or possibly 32—FBI still trying to figure it out. They know for a FACT, however, that she was female] died of what at first appeared to be shock. Her close friends, Elsikatab PoortantheyYyY* and the lovely Victoria Ayn Bourque, witnessed the event and disagreed with the diagnosis.

“She died ‘cause I accidentally said Avada Kedavra and pointed at her—we have photographic evidence!” says Victoria B. She procured an astounding image of what is obviously one of the Unforgivable Curses shooting from her fingertips.The Central Intelligence Agency sent agents to go discover any possibilities of "Hogwarts" this morning, while the Federal Bureau of Investigation or whatever it’s called has begun to search America for anything even remotely close to a game called Quidditch.

Meanwhile, Elsikatab PoortantheyYyY has been sent to an asylum for saying that magic is not real when it is obviously shown in this photograph. Also, the O’Maggie family is having a party tomorrow at 4:00 o’clock sharp, and would like to invite everyone reading this to come. The theme is “I Love Magic, Even If It Kills My Daughter.”

Next time: More evidence of magic? And a new witness!


 * Exact spelling unknown.

Celeste, the famous model
She's dead.

Doctor Can't Heal Himself
The [in]famous and truly [un]beloved actor, Matt Smith, died September 4th at 1:23 p.m., from a freak accident in which 100 people accidentally walked over him. The crowd which committed the crime insisted it was not on purpose, and none of them are blamed for the tragedy. Before being trampled to death, Matt Smith was the Doctor in the British show, //Doctor Who//. His [terrible] performance will always be remembered among Doctor Who fans, and his death leaves a great mark on the world.

Spencer Shay
Spencer Shay (born on November 11, 1981, age 29) from Seattle, WA, recently died for unknown reasons. He is the first child (of two) of Mr. and Mrs. Shay. Spencer's younger sister was raised by him, as Mr. Shay is in the military, so the girl is now alone in Seattle. Spencer Shay was an aspiring artist, though his work was never greatly known. He will be missed and is, according to his poetic younger sister, "painting with the angels."

Count Omar
An actor and count with the last name Omar, died last night after slipping on a banana peel, falling off his balcony which had no railings and hitting his arm. He was transported to a hospital, where he sleepwalked onto a roof and slipped on an orange peel which happened to be nearby and fell and hit his head then rolled off the roof and into an ice cream store where he passed away when the roof collapsed. His last words were "I hate peels and rooves." If by "rooves" he meant "roofs" and was just feeling Australian, we may never know.

=Marrige announcements:=

Isabella Sophia Portante (+Gram)
Isabella Sophia Portante and Gram will be getting married as soon as kindergarten starts. Izzy is a 5 year old Littleton native and has two older sisters. She enjoys playing soccer, playing with big kids, and writing stories.

=Mystery= By Victoria Ayn

**Magic and Other Misdemeanors (continuing the earlier report on Margie O’Maggie’s death) **
The FBI and CIA continue their investigations around the world, combining forces with Scotland Yard and the less known but just as efficient, Chinese Lawn. The FBI discovered a website that talks about something Quidditch, the CIA found a castle that could possibly be a similar design to Hogwarts, Scotland Yard found some headless Barbies, and Chinese Lawn ate some Japanese food. Victoria Ayn B. has refused to be studied by any of these agencies.

Wild as these events are, they do not match up to weird SADNESS that Ms. Victoria and mentally handicapped Elsikatab PoortantheyYyY feel about their friend’s death. We, at the //Punctilio//, tried to cheer Victoria up (Elsikatab PoortantheyYyY is beyond our help) by being optimistic.
 * It’s one less person breathing up oxygen.
 * She had been quite annoying that week, anyway.
 * Now she will not grow up and buy a car, which will consequently save the earth. A bit.

The Daily Punctilio was lucky enough to meet up with three of Victoria Ayn B.’s closest friends. Anniecha, Ladybug, and Alison each have their own stories on odd happenings with Victoria—well, as far as we can tell. They all refused to give much information except to confirm that Victoria is actually named Victoria.

Apparently there is a variation in witches' appearances.
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