November~December+Oracle

= __**The Daily Oracle**__ = // November 1st, 2011 //

=Town Matters=

Mutiny in The Daily Oracle Itself?
By EVil

Within the ranks of the Oracle, there have been whispers that the Oracle needs a new head and organizer.

Is this fair?

Our original head and organizer, Maggie Morey, started the Oracle in August 2011. She started out strong, by publishing articles such as the popular ones by Victoria Ayn--this girl soon joined the Oracle itself. (She's a bit stuck-up, but an okay journalist.) Meanwhile, Maggie refused to let anyone else into the Oracle, but no one was allowed. Later, Victoria Ayn ended up holding up the fort while Maggie had computer problems. Maggie's journalism is still good, but her leadership capabilities are failing. Is it time for a new leader?

My Opinions On Above Article
By Victoria Ayn

Boy, was I surprised to find this article on the Oracle when I logged in. Though I agree that MM's leadership capabilitie are not super, I believe we can talk instead of rebel.

Yup.

P.S. "EVil" aka weirdy, I am not stuck-up!

//**Santa's Revenge on Jack Skellington**//
By Victoria Ayn

When someone says "September," most children think of autumn and school. When someone says "October," most children think of Halloween.

//But not this year.//

Due to "snow issues" (so, a couple trees fell down, big deal!) Halloween was cancelled in many towns, then rescheduled to November 4th or another similar day. This reminded many of the journalists at the Daily Oracle of an event during Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before Christmas;" The Policemen of The World (or just some random officials) declared that Christmas was cancelled, because Santy Claws had been captured by Lock, Shock, and Barrel (naturally). This brings to our attention the question of whether or not Santa Claus is getting his revenge on the People of Halloween. Is Santa turning to the dark side? Or are our officials sad people who never experienced the joy of trick-or-treating? Or are they just trying to save us from getting squashed by falling branches?

=Advice Column= By Victoria Ayn B.

Dear Viktoreeu, I tink I have mirage problems. You see, my wife never likes to hold mi hand, and she shutters when I wok into ta room. Why? --Ugleee P. F. You have ta same name as mi wife, I tink.

Dear Ugleee, Is that your real name, or is it just self-depricating? I’m a little confused—you said you had mirage problems, but then you went on to explain marriage problems. I’ll assume that’s just some sort of typo. If what you say is true, then you might need to wash your hands more often, or some small thing. It appears as though something about you is annoying her. Talk to her about it. Clear things up. It also may be true that you are over-reacting. Are you SURE she acts this way? Maybe it IS just a mirage problem. I hope this helped a bit! Or a lot! I’m not picky! --Victoria Ayn B. (not the witch)

Dear Victoria, My evil younger sister always reads my diary! She gets in trouble every time, but she still does it just to be mean to me. I tell her, “do not go NEAR my desk EVER,” but that, of course, never helps. WHAT SHOULD I DO? --Distressed in Dudley

Dear Distressed, Move your diary. --Victoria Ayn B. (not the witch)

=Weddings= By Jane Berk (2nd one by Victoria Ayn)

Victoria Ayn (singer/actress/dancer, not to be confused Victoria Ayn B.) strikes again!
Ms. Bourque has once more captured the heart of a, to be blunt, famous person and the two are expected to be down the aisle by next June. Her newest victim boyfriend is Matthew Bellamy, lead singer and head song-writer of the band, Muse (see below article on British music for more about this band). (Update for the clueless: she recently just divorced David Tennant because he was "too far away," but Matthew also lives in England, so "?" we say.)

//(Victoria, with her ex-husband.)//

**Summer wedding after many long winters**
Elizabeth P--- was a young, single mother of two twins, fending for herself in California with a broken heart. Joe -, who had moved to New England, was the unknowing father of those twins in need of his old hometown and his old best friend. At last, the two have gotten back together after running into each other in the town they used to live in, and now plan on a summer wedding.  “I never knew...” Joe reported, with joyous tears in his eyes. “... that I had children waiting for me back in my old hometown.” But there is an interesting twist: Joe came back with a baby boy: his. “Vivian... Vivian was... amazing... but she just had some... family matters she needed to attend to.” Joe said haltingly on the matter of his relationship in New England. “I ended up taking Joe Jr. home with me. But I’m glad I did! He’s... he’s my son. I used to wish Vivian had come with me, but that’s LIFE. And now I have Elizabeth and my other children, and I couldn’t ask for more.” Elizabeth intends to treat Joe Jr. like he was her true son. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">“He’s so young, and though his true mother is not there for him, I am. And I’ll always be so,” Elizabeth announced (with a rather vindictive smile on her face, just to let you know). “I already know more about him than his. . . [irresponsible] mother does. His favorite color is yellow. His favorite restaurant is Panera Bread. And he’s only 1 1/2.” <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">All in all, Joe’s sudden trip back to CA changed five lives forever. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: arial,sans-serif;"> //(Left to right: Dylan, Elizabeth, Opal Rose, Joe Sr., Joe Jr.)//

=<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Obituaries =

**Our Country’s Hero Dies**
The Daily Oracle has just received notice that Thomas Jefferson, the writer of The Declaration of Independence and one of our founding fathers, died on July 4th. This news shook the reporters of The Daily Oracle greatly, as this man means so much to the world today. Without him, we would be unable to live in the United States of America. His wife died many years earlier, and he never remarried (though apparently he had a fling with one of his slaves--but that may just be gossip). His close friend, John Addams Adams, also died later that day (but we learned that a few years ago). What the heck? While I was writing this, I was watching Chicken Run, but seriously, chickens can’t kiss, right? Jeez!! Anyway... So, be sad ‘cause TJ died.

=Media= by Victoria Ayn

Isabella P. + 3
By Jane Berk

Note: this is not meant to be suggestive, insulting, or innapropriate in any way. No offense is meant to Mormons, scientists, Isabella, or anyone who is struck a little too close to home.
Isabella P., voted Cutest 5-Year-Old of 2011, planned to marry Gram as soon as kindergarten is over, but her sisters have reason to believe she has bigger ideas.

"She said she thought King Edgar [from Ella Enchanted] was cute!" exclaimed one of the girls. However, Isabella also said that she did not like King Edgar very much, even though he's cute--he's not her bad-guy friend. Randel, from Monsters Inc., is.

"Gram is my good-guy friend," Isabella explained, matter-of-factly.

But does she also wanta good-GIRL friend?

"I want to marry you," she said to the one and only Victoria Ayn. (And I quote:) "Girls can marry girls, you know." Victoria's response was a nervous giggle and a gentle reminder of Gram. (She declined the offer.)

Whay is Isabella doing? I personally just think she's a little girl who really likes to talk.

The Star Pug of The World Speaks! (This is amazing for multiple reasons.)


Isabella Bourque Davis has become known as the star pug of the world, as she is, statistically speaking, the most famous pug in the World (in the Universe, she is second only to Aphrodite, the pug from Venus). She is the centre of attention in Hollywood, and BBC can't get enough of her! Luckily, she managed to squeeze in a little interview with us from the Daily Oracle in her busy life.

I met her with my photographer and dog translator at her modern 100,000,000 square foot mansion (I felt a little small). The only thing I found unfortunate about her house was that the elevator music was rather boring.

Before I begin to divulge into what Isabella said, let me remind you that she has been in...

Costumes De La Victorie! Dog Mania iMarley gLoom Henry VIII: The Last Man You Would Want To Be A Pet Of
 * TV Shows:**

Moi Pug: The Inspiring Story of a Girl With a Pug Mansfield Park, The Musical Just Haven't Met You Yet The Atlantis Complex of the Pooch //(Izzy with her best friend, Victoria Ayn, in Costumes De La Victorie!)//
 * Movies:**

Isabella confessed that she had to turn down about three offers for parts in movies or shows a day. My translator told me she said,

"It pains me to turn down so many amazing offers, but I just can't woof woof ruff grrf..." [our translator is only an amateur, and does not get all words yet.]

When asked if there were any movies that she would be acting in soon, she merely woofed [laughed], and said there were too many to list. She did say in particular, though, that she was looking forward to the upcoming movie, "Dial E for Euthanize."

As for shows, she said she would have to quit 2 of her current sitcoms, so she could act in "Pilmore Pugs" and "Woof!"

"I can't decide yet which shows I want to quit... I love them all so much!" I tried to convince her to tell us which ones she was considering quitting, and she hesitantly announced iMarley and gLoom will probably be the ones to go. "The directors in gLoom are rather rude, to be honest, and I feel like iMarley is going downhill, wffr."

Isabella has also been considering starting a singing career.

"I've loved to howl since I was a little puppy. I even wrote down some of my songs--and one of my managers said I could actually start a career with them." Of course, this would mean she would probably quit even more of her shows, which would be quite unfortunate.

Her personal life is pretty standard: she has a Labrador boyfriend (Fetch--original name, huh?) and is very close to her family. She did confess that she was NOT friends with Princess Roxy, whom she thought was rude, though the Princess Roxy I know has fine manners. Except for the biting.

She also stated (to my delight, because I was tired of my translator--no offence, Hal) that she was beginning to learn English! So far, all she had memorised was the human imitation of the noise dogs make (woof") and "I love you" (which she pronounced "wi wove wou.")

She'd like to say hello and thank you to Fetch and all her friends (JackJack, Gary, etc.) and, most of all, her loving family.

Horror Story Awards!
Please check out this year's HSA! We had some great writers and some very frightening stories! Congratulations, winner! Click link below to view stories and find out who won. http://dailyoracle.wikispaces.com/The+Horror+Story+Awards+2011

British Music
Why is British music (examples: Queen, The Beatles, Kate Nash) so much better than most American (examples: Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Kanye West) or other (example: Mew [Danish]) music?

I’ve asked around and gotten a few theories on what might be the reason for this.

Chrysie101 says, //“Maybe it’s their accents. They’re so fun to listen to. I really don’t know. . . [they] don’t// all //have British accents that are apparent in their songs, though.”//

Chrisie101 seems right on both accounts: the accents are fun to listen to, but sometimes they aren’t even apparent. Kate Nash, Squeeze, and Florence & The Machine have pretty clear accents that you can tell are there, but others such as Queen, The Beatles, Rogue Traders, and Chameleon Circuit do not.

emmy.awards.booyah! says, //“I dunno, like, maybe they all sing the same genre or something.”//

Though it was a good idea, it was a //bit// off. Example:

Muse: alternative rock Kate Nash: happy-ish alternative Florence & The Machine: alternative Pulp: rock/pop Rogue Traders: dance & house Chameleon Circuit: trock

So that one doesn’t make so much sense.

the.birds.will.get.you merely says, //“British music isn’t better. You’re just a. . . [stupid] Anglophile.”//

icu312 believes that, //“They have better schools in Britain (I come from there). Trust me, everything’s better there. Music, movies, books. Everything! Except maybe food.”//

If you have an idea of what the reason might be, contact us! To help you figure out the reason, I’ve included a list of some of the top 11 best British artists (…so far) in alphabetical order.

[|Beatles, The] [|Catatonia] [|Chameleon Circuit] [|Florence & the Machine] [|Muse] [|Nash, Kate] [|Pulp] [|Queen] [|Rialto] [|Rogue Traders] [|Squeeze]

=The Daily Oracle's Best-seller List for November= 1. Princess Lolly and The Order of The French Fries by Victoria Ayn Bourque and Maggie Morey 2. Me VII by Gilderoy Lockhart 3. Iphigenia by Victoria Ayn Bourque 4. Cherry Flavoured Blood by Harriet Smith and Clarisse Sugar 5. All The Issues With Time Travel by Ambrosia Plum

=Cartoons=

by Victoria Ayn
 * Running Tracks**

After the tenth witness at his trial… …The Big Bad Wolf wondered if there was anyone in the entire animal kingdom he hadn’t threatened or attempted to eat.

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