January~February+Oracle

The Daily Oracle
January 1st, 2012

Happy New Year, all ye reading this!
By Victoria Ayn

It's finally 2012... year of London Olympics, and a leap year! Let's hope there's a lot to look forward to--better music, more marshmellows, world peace... you know, the small things in life.

The annual "ball drop" with Dick Clark did not fail to impress, though many mothers covered their children's eyes as to prevent them from seeing anything nightmarish, horrific (i.e. Lady Gaga, who got to set off the ball drop).

2011 was a good year for me, at least--but I'm not too upset it's over. I can't wait to see what this year will bring!

Take a New Year's poll!

=Town Matters= By Victoria Ayn

HORRIFYING THINGS ARE HAPPENING
By Guest 738.4238.54

On many pages on the Daily Oracle, threatening messages to Maggie Morey, our absent head, are appearing in bright red letters! The most concerning one is the "Watch Out, Maggie!" on the Coming Soon page.

WILL THE REIGN OF TERROR SOON BE OVER?

In addition to this, the Jan./Feb. Oracle cannot be edited EXCEPT on a NOOK colour. OF ALL THINGS! Is the terrorist also trying to prevent ANYONE from writing on the Oracle?

When questioned, Victoria Ayn AND Elizabeth Portante refused to let out any information on the subtle attacks, leading some investigators to believe that they are the masterminds here. I mean, c'mon, "watch out, Maggie"? That phrase takes some real genius to create! No ordinary person is behind this.

And know we all live in FEAR!!!!!!!

We Do Not Live In Fear!
By Victoria Ayn

[Read the title. Retain the information that is there. Read the following articles in peace.]

//The Oracle considers adding an artist//
"We need to spruce up the page," explains Ashley Binoculars, an important editor in the Oracle. "Make it more fun to look at."

Though we already have a photographer, Ms. Binoculars believes, "Art that's not really real--like, real, but not //real//--has a really nice touch to it."

And so, Ms. Binoculars, along with the Board of The Daily Oracle (which is one person--Victoria Ayn), has set up so called "auditions." Several aspiring artists have signed up to be a part of these tests and are eager to get started.

__**The Contestants**__
 * Contest #1**

Ms. Ming, as portrayed by herself.
 * Ying Ching Wing Ming**

Ms. Ming: "I think I should be the artist for the Daily Oracle because everyone loves anime." Victoria: "Are you aware that our absent leader, Maggie Morey, does not like anime? And same with our right hand woman, Elizabeth?" Ms. Ming: "Oh."

Ms. Contraire, as portrayed by herself.
 * Mary Contraire**

Ms. C: "Well, I'm sure everyone else is very talented here, but I do believe my facial feature details will help me along greatly." Victoria: "Yes, it's very realistic. Now, do you draw anything other than Tudor-style clothing?" Ms. C: "Heavens, no! Why should I?"

Ms. Bubble, as portrayed by herself.
 * Lola Bubble**

Ms. B: "I just think my cute little doodles would be PERFECT for this cute little doodl-y newspaper." Victoria: "That's weird... The Oracle has never been called that before... um, thanks!" Ms. B: "You're totally-otally-lotally welcome! *Giggle*"

Ms. Aquaeous, as portrayed by herself.
 * Arielle Aquaeous**

Ms. A: "I think the Disney features in my drawing are enough to make people feel more at home when reading the Oracle." Victoria: "Yes, I love that style. I have a delicate question... are you really part mermaid-part octopus-part human?" Ms. A: "Maybe."

The first test is coming soon! After below article.

Book: more trouble than it's worth?
On Sunday, January 1st, 2012, Magigie Moray re-opened The Girl With A Ribbon Reminder plagiarism case by claiming that she WAS actually the one who wrote the book.

"The Girl/Reminder is based on the true story of Portanto and another girl. So it partially happened to Portanto but I did all the writing of the actual story. I did all the digging of facts. I interviewed the other girl. I created those sentences. The book was written by me," Moray revealed.

When brought to court, Portanto was incredulous.

"I shouldn't be here," she hissed. "This issue was already resolved."

The whole book was found in Microsoft Word in Portanto's computer.

"And?" Moray said, defensively. "The whole book is on my computer, too. It's a computer--you can download anything. I know I sent parts of it to Portanto, making sure it was accurate. That doesn't prove anything."

Moray also claims that if it's true that Portanto's only claim to the story is that she lived it, then Portanto is not being fair to the "other girl" who also lived it.

This other girl in question (Veronica Bork) was called to court, seeming quite reluctant to be there. All she confirmed was that she knew Portanto and Moray argued a lot during the making of the book. She does not know that either one wrote more than the other.

Moray is also suing Purple, Pixies, and Peachez Publishing Co. for firing her without enough circumstantial evidence.

Though Portanto was not pleased, the judge and jury seemed intrigued and slightly swayed by Moray's arguments. The results of this second visit to court about this book are as yet unknown.

Scoreboard for Moray/Portanto conflict:
Bottom of the first inning, Moray at bat.

M P
 * 1 || 1 ||

Continuation: Artful Oracle Auditions, part 2
Hello! Victoria Ayn here. I am thrilled to announce that for the first test, the artists' job is to draw me!

By the way, some of the artists have not yet sent in his/her explanation of him/herself, so not all of the artists are mentioned yet! But they will be.

Light skin, 5'2", brown hair; medium length, brown eyes, very very very thick normal eyebrows, very straight nose...
 * Victoria**

Ying Ching Wing Ming Ms. Ming: "[whisper] I think I'll win her over because I said she was cool."
 * Victoria, Sailor Senshi**

Victoria [to adoring fans who are watching the Artful Auditions live]: "Okay, so this is me! It's completely adorable, I love this girl. She's so cute. I really like the green and the purple, but I find the background and the blue quite random and they don't really match. Maybe it's just me..."

Ms. C: "I really like her dress."
 * Lady Victoria by Mary Contraire**

Ms. Bubble: "It's totally-otally adorable! Just like you! Heeheehee!"
 * Victoria by Lola Bubbble**

Victoria: "Yes, this girl is quite cute. Erm... yeah. At least, a bit cute. Anyway, she seems to be in the same pose as you were...?" Ms. Bubble: "Because this pose is cutily cutily cute!" Victoria: "... okay."

Ms. A: "I think she has a sort of Jessica Rabbit look about her." Victoria: [Gasping]"Me? Jessica Rabbit? Jessica--?" [has laughter spazz fit.]
 * Victoria Rabbit by Arielle A.**

Victoria: [regaining composure after 30 minutes] "Anyway, I think the girl is really cute. Well drawn! I like the colors and the style of the skirt."

"I eat ghosts," says local townsperson.
By Victoria Ayn

On Monday, the 2nd of January, 2012, one Eliasia Port claimed to have accidentally swallowed a ghost a few weeks before, and since then has had a taste for eating the supernatural.

"It started when I was walking down the street, and I felt this, like, cold thing slide down my throat, right?" exclaims Eliasia, excitedly. "Before it went down, I, like, totally saw a girl from the 1800s flash before my eyes. So cool."

Eliasia knew immediately that it was a ghost she had gulped down. For the next few days, she felt quite cold inside, and had an urge for tea and crumpets.

"Because that's what the girl from the 1800s would have eaten, right?" says Eliasia. "It was, like, totally awesome being all like old-fashioned-y... it was like I was her...? You know...? What I mean...?"

After a couple days, the feeling went away.

"I missed it, you know...? Feeling all old...? So I went searching for other ghosts, so maybe I could swallow one again. I really liked feeling like I was, like, like, like, old timey."

Eventually, she found another one. This time, it was Marie Antionette.

"She was tasty," declares Eliasia. "And all I wanted was cake and pugs to play with."

Ever since, Eliasia seems to have a knack for finding and eating ghosts.

"So far I've found a bunch of normal people, but I also found Babe Ruth (I played baseball for a week), Billy Maze (I really liked Oxi Clean for a week), and Bloody Mary (I didn't like Anglicans for a week). Like, it was, like, awesome. Totally."

Elisia now wants to write a book on all the ghosts she's eaten and how they made her feel.

"Maybe, I could make, like, a SERIES of, like, of, like, books," Eliasia eloborated. She hopes that her books will be published by Random House or Purple, Pixies, and Peachez Publishing Co.

"LOL, eating ghosts is so much FUN, but I think it's a special talent for special people, like, but I encourage you all to, like TRY. Okay? Okay. Thanks to y'all for reading."


 * Next week: Are Elisia's beliefs myths? Did she really eat those ghosts, or did she not not eat those ghosts?**

Wedding Announcments
By Victoria Ayn

Cecelia Capulate and Tonio Montague
The true fairytale wedding: Cecelia and Tonio had known each other for years, but their families had been tearing them apart over other peoples' problems. The two families had strong hatred for each other, making the Cecelia-Tonio romance seemingly impossible. In fact, Tonio's family even arranged for him to marry Countess Valerie Paris, much against his will.

But, Tonio and Cecelia stood up for their hearts and decided that their love for each other meant more than their families. They planned to elope. However, Mrs. Montague discovered their plans and managed to convince them to stay, saying their families would now leave them alone if they would only stay home.

Cecelia and Tonio, or Tonio and Cecelia, will be marrying in February, on (natuarally) Valentine's day. All has been forgiven.

[Note: Countess Valerie Paris died with grief, which isn't so pleasant, but at least Cecelia and Tonio are together, right? .... Heh.]

Obituaries
By Victoria Ayn B.

Countessa Valerie Paris
The Countessa Valerie Paris died allegedly of grief after her fiancé, Tonio Montague, left her for his true love, Cecelia Capulate. The Countessa was deeply in love with Tonio, and this situation broke her heart. She was the daughter of the late Count Paris (note: they don't live in Paris), making her the last Paris in New England. She also left all her money to Tonio, though, to the Montague's surprise, she only had $19, unlike she promised.

Vicky Blundëir: Undisclosed
By Victoria Ayn

Yesterday, I met with the exeptionally talented Vicky Bludëir for tea and crumpets at the local Cedar Crest. For those of you who don't know, Vicky is famous for her ability to trip, bruise, and cut herself without even meaning to. She did it so well and often, that it became rather hard to find a job.

"I tried everything," Vicky explained while sipping a cup of Arneca. "Bank teller, grocer, mail-woman, Doctor... of course, nome of these occupations worked for me."

Eventually, Vicky turned to her therapist, Mr. Therapist. Apparently, he told her to utilize her strengths.

"I was inspired!" exclaimed Vicky. "I figured somehow I could use my ability to be a big clutz to get a job."

Unfortunately, it took a year of no jobs and dating rich guys as to not starve, to think of something.

"Hey, as I figure it, people need to get out of sticky situations all the time--such as an accidental date, et cetera... and wouldn't it be swell if suddenly, during this unfortunate happening, his/her long lost friend popped up, broke a leg, and had to be transported to the hospital immediately?" Vicky asked (I assume retorically.) "It seems very strange and random, but once I put myself on the web, BAM! I had buisness."

Vicky started a blog in which she explained what she intended on doing: she said you could hire her ahead of time to appear on such-and-such a road and work her magic, or you could send an emergency text or email (info below) and if the destination was close, she'd be there!

"At first, I only had one client a week, but after a month, I had clients comin' outta the wazoo!" she exclaimed. "It was great! Most of my clients told me I was great at acting, and some even suggested that I join a circus. What sweet people..."

Vicky was beginning to be requested all over America!

"I got some calls from Oregon, you see, and it practically broke my heart to turn 'em down, 'cause they were so dang far away," Vicky explained, sadly. "But one person in Cally offered me two tickets to their home town just so I could break an ankle for them. Boy, I was thrilled! And once it got out thay I would leave mey state if you got me the proper ticket, I was having breakin' vacations, as I call 'em, right and left!"

This occuppation is not at all normal, so Vicky had lots of buisness.

"Unfortunately, I was gettin' kinda famous after a coupla years of breakin' and achin'. I mean, I had a pretty singular job. People started saying, 'Hey, haven't I seen you before?' which wasn't good for my clients--you see, half of the buisness is in secret. Eventually, I decided I should take a break, slink into the shadows, ya know?"

But then something unexpected happened.

"I got a call from Katie C-, asking for an interview with me. Me! I couldn't believe it... I was really getting around."

Vicky accepted the interview, which put her on TV, so her buisness seemed to be coming to a close.

"Ya know, I'm an okay actress, right? I realized what I'd been missin'. (I can't believe I didn't think of it before.) I can pull off an accent and I got plen'y of disguises, so people won't recognize me. Yeah!"

So Vicky managed to retain her profession.

"Now it wasn't all that easy. I mean, obviously I don't mind breakin' a leg or two, but the people I hadda work with wereoften strange. It was, and still is, a fascinating study."

So fascinating, in fact, that Vicky felt that a book was in need.

"I just poured out my soul, like your supposed to. I described all the fun times I had--I mostly didn't mention any specific names of people, for privacy sake, y'see. But while I was writing, one of my friends told me I should write it as a novel, but real, ya know? Anyway, I think the hardest part was the title."

Vicky Blundëir's book, "The Life of a Sucsessful Clutz" is available now at bookstores near you.

I was lucky enough to get some information that wasn't even in her book.

"But don't tell!" she laughed. "I want to have something interesting to say to anyone who meets me that has not already been said." Soon after, Vicky fell of her chair, proving her talent to me.

All in all, I found Vicky an entirely pleasant person who chose to follow her strengths--or weaknesses? Either way, it worked!

VICKY'S SPECIAL PARAGRAPH "Hi! Thanks for reading this! If you need me or my services, you can find my blog at vickysituations.blogspot.com, where you can find my email and phone! You can also find my prices and deals and such easily. I offer from bloody noses to deathly allergies to brolen bones. Don't worry--for some reaaon I seem unable to die, so you won't be stuck with a random body. I'm currently working on breaking my knee. I did this in my book, too, but I want to thank my family and friends for bearing with me, an dI want to thank my Prince Charming (you know who you are) and thank you so much to the Daily Oracle for wanting to have an interview with ME. It really warms my heart. Once again, thank you for reading this!"

Pictures coming soon!

Whole 30: doom or good?
By Victoria Ayn

I have embarked on the insane journey of Whole 30. This means no dairy, grains, or lagoons for a whole month. Only meat and vegetables! Am I insane? No. I decided to give you a day-by-day update of this unpleasant situation. Short updates, but if you check out the Oracle each day this January, they'll be something new each day! Only for this month, though, but I will leave the final results on this page.

DAY 1: I can't even find a good snack that stays within the rules. Here's what my meals have looked like today: eggs and bacon for breakfast, meat sauce (chili, no spice, basically), seaweed and a banana for a snack (not togethet, and seaweed actually isn't half bad) and dinner is goat roast. Oh, yum.

DAY 2: Coconut day? Scattered bunch of varied foods, including some sort of coconut whipped cream and berries, and chiken with coconut flakes for diner. Ate more food, of course, but it was all boring and paleo.

DAY 3: Mostly ate shrimp all day. C'mon, this can't be healthy! Had lots of coconut milk-rasberries-blueberries-ice smoothies. Apparently, this would make you weigh 900 pounds if you eat it every day, so, since I am The Twig, it's perfect for me! Funnily enough, I feel more hungry because of all this protein, not less. Arg.

DAY 4-28: AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I think this is enough. 28 is close to 30 right?

Well, all in all, I'd say it was a horrible experience.

More coming soon!

Daily Oracle's Best TV Shows On Today

 * 1) 1. Downtown Abbey
 * 2) 2. Modern Family
 * 3) 3. Once Upon A Time

With hit shows like Glee and Pretty Little Liars, I thought I'd mention some of the real quality ones (note: not that I dislike either of those shows).

Downtown Abbey has good production with realistic time period settings, clothes, and music. Great show, so amazing that people were furious when the show stopped, so Materpiece brought it back.

Modern Family is just the funniest show on TV. No exaggeration. Want proof? Did you see how many awards the actors and the writers recieved?

Once Upon A Time... just fun.