August+2014

=“Stupid boys, man!” says local townsperson= By Victoria B & Elizabeth P

“Why do I even try at romance?” exclaims local townsperson, Liza Pinelli, a Littletown high school student with a penchant for emotional breakdowns. “I love boys,” she quietly mutters, but quickly follows this with a cry of “BUT THEY'RE SO STUPID. . . this one time I text a boy I actually like, and I'm having REAL TROUBLE.”

The idea that teenage girls are more romantic--and certainly more mature--than teenage boys has been widely accepted for several generations. However, even with this knowledge, males as a whole have hardly taken any steps to improve themselves in ladies’ eyes.

“I dunno,” says local middle schooler, Antonio Fettuccini. “Girls can be hot.”

Hopefully, not all males are so narrow-minded about the virtues of women, although there's much evidence to prove that they are.

"I HATE MEN SO MUCH JESUS," exclaims another local townsperson who wished to remain anonymous. "I just tried so hard, but it was never enough. He up and left me for the first better endowed skank that would take him."

Another girl tearfully claimed that she had "wasted a five year long crush on a wickedly handsome boy who turned out to be a total douche."

Needless to say, the world of love, crushes, and romance isn't easy for the women of this world, and the males of this world seem to have it easy. And they're definitely not helping to make it easier for the women.

Will it always be this way? Well... let's hope not."